Plays produced by special arrangement with Samuel French, Inc.
PLOT
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The set up!
Mr. Stancliffe, the owner of a vast fortune, and a two hundred thousand acre Texas ranch has died. His long time butler, Jarvis, and the maid, Melody, along with Mr. Stancliffe’s only living relative, his niece Patrice, and her husband Michael, gather for the reading of the will by the family lawyer, Mr. Oakfield. Strangely, a Miss Tammy-Jo Harper, from the neighboring ranch, has also been invited! As expected, Patrice inherits the estate, with one clause, Jarvis may live out his life on the ranch, and Patrice may not sell it without Jarvis’s permission. Jarvis, has one other surprise for Patrice. Acting on instructions from Mr. Stancliffe, he produces from the safe a formula, and a sample of what appears to be a love potion. Mr. Stancliffe wills 25% of the shares to Patrice, 25% to Michael, and 50% to Jarvis. After the presentation of the will, a Mary Lou Winston unexpectedly arrives. She is a dowdy ornithologist, (or is she), who is doing research for her masters on woodpecker preservation. She requests to spend the night at the ranch, as her campsite has been rained out.
The twist!
This is a love potion with a difference. Made from the bark of the Brazilian walnut tree from Amazonia, it does not affect the person who drinks it. Rather, this powerful aphrodisiac causes them to give off an almost imperceptible odor, which affects the vomeronasal organ of the opposite sex, with devastating effect.
The scam…or is it?
Can it really work? It has the potential to be worth billions. Before long everyone is testing it with hilarious results. The audience, at first convinced that it works, is then persuaded it doesn’t, and is finally left in doubt about both theories.
Why does Melody keep kissing Jarvis? (Maybe it is the love potion?)
Michael, the inveterate lecher, is in constant pursuit of Melody (Maybe it’s not the love potion?)
Michael, incredibly, is attracted to the dowdy Mary Lou. (Maybe it is the love potion?)
MICHAEL: You know I suddenly find you very attractive.
M-LOU: Me?
MICHAEL: Oh yes, don't you feel it?
M-LOU: Feel what?
MICHAEL: It's like a rising tide of passion, swelling up inside, ready to burst out like an exploding super-nova.
M-LOU: Good heavens, do you always say things like that to perfect strangers?
MICHAEL: Yes, yes, you are.
M-LOU: Yes, I'm what?
MICHAEL: Perfect.
M-LOU: But I'm a presbyterian!
MICHAEL: Well, alright then, almost perfect!
Patrice appears to have a secret tryst with the family lawyer Mr. Oakfield. (Maybe it’s not the love potion.)
Mary Lou, who has never even had a boyfriend, has the “hots” for Jarvis. (Maybe it is the love potion?)
Why is Tammy-Jo Harper in relentless pursuit of Jarvis? (Maybe it's not the love potion.?)
If you think the audience is confused at this point, you’re right! It’s intentional and they love it!
The con!
Michael and Patrice connive to acquire the rights to the love potion from Jarvis, by trading his shares for the forty million dollar ranch.
PATRICE: We’d like you, just for a short while to act as though Jarvis was absolutely irresistible to you. Can you do it?
TAMMY-JO: Piece of cake! Men are all easy.
MICHAEL: What do you mean men are all easy?
TAMMY-JO: Well, when you unzip their pants, their brains fall out.
MICHAEL: That’s not fair.
TAMMY-JO: Listen, women may want a reason to have sex, but men just need a place. Anyway, don’t tell me men have
never used sex to get what they want.
MICHAEL: How can we possible use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want.
The Sting!
Yes, just like the movie… This is a Michael Parker play. Only in the last 30 seconds of the play is the surprising truth revealed to the audience.
Scripts available from Samuel French, Inc. #14209
CHARACTERS
MELODY (Age 20-30) The late Mr. Stancliffe's maid is, in fact, in the one profession she should not have chosen. She drops things, she breaks things. If there's a wrong way to do something, she'll find it! Pursued throughout the play by Michael, she resists his advances in a variety of ingenious and hilarious ways. She is an endearing character loved by audiences. (A natural comedienne, young, perky, sexy)
JARVIS (Age 50+) The late Mr. Stancliffe's butler. He can be English or American, but should not be Texan. A pivotal character who is deeply involved in the mystery of the love potion and around whom most of the circumstantial humor seems to evolve. He remains throughout the quintessential butler, always calm, always in control. (Suave and serious, but with a sparkling dry wit)
PATRICE (Age 30-50) The late Mr. Stancliffe's niece and heiress to his estate. She has suffered through her husband Michael's infidelities for many years. In a surprising turn of events, she too becomes involved in the 'affair' of the love potion and reveals a romantic and passionate side of herself. (Elegant, attractive, sophisticated)
MICHAEL (Age 30-50) Patrice's husband and an inveterate lecher. He sets his sights on Melody (and any other female that is breathing) but is repeatedly rebuffed and struck 'where it hurts the most'. A comic character who is at the center of most of the visual sequences. (Brash, loud, self-centered, not very likeable)
MR. OAKFIELD (Age 40+) A lawyer who gives the impression of a quiet, mild-mannered man until he too is caught up in the excitement of the love potion. He spends most of ACT II trying (unsuccessfully) to find a vacant bathroom in a series of classic comedic sequences which leave the audien roaring. (A typical lawyer, perhaps a little officious and pompous)
TAMMY-JO (Age 25-40) The neighbor from across the creek, surprisingly mentioned in Mr. Stancliffe's will. Deeply involved in the love potion plot, she appears to be a fairly straight character for most of the play, but later has her 'moment in the sun' as she turns into a sensuous temptress. (Very Texan, very beautiful)
MARY-LOU (Age 30-50) A serious, matronly ornithologist doing research on the ranch. Her character of the drab, dowdy, unattractive woman in blue jeans, boots, ponco, etc. is changed by the love potion into a voluptuous seductress in a black lace teddy, fishnet hose, high heels, etc. The fact that she has no idea how to play this role, puts her in the middle of some of the funniest sequences. (Plain at first, then glamorous. Conservative, then sexy. Shy, then outrageous)
REVIEWS
THE LONE STAR LOVE POTION…IN THE NEWS
“Parker pens another hit with “Potion”
The Palm Beach Post/ Palm Beach, Florida
“An evening of absolute entertainment, fast paced, funny, and just plain enjoyable. Shows like this don’t come along every day!”
The Racine Journal Times/ Racine, Wisconsin
“Parker wrote and superbly directed this titillating show. A hilarious knock about comedy.”
“There are more plots, counter-plots, and subterfuges to this story than a barrel of monkeys has tails.”
The San Antonio Express News/ San Antonio, Texas
“The gales of laughter approached hurricane force. This play’s a hoot.”
The Boca Rotan News/ Boca Rotan, Florida
“Parker has forged a niche and filled a void in
American theatre.”
The Review/ Sioux City, Iowa
“By word of mouth, he is probably going to become one of America’s most frequently
produced playwrights.”
The San Antonio Express News/ San Antonio, Texas
“Parker has created another great American farce with the
“Lone Star Love Potion”
The Omaha City Weekly/ Manley, Nebraska
“The Binbrook Theatre has the crowd in stitches”
The Grand River Sachem/ Ontario, Canada
“Lone Star Love Potion” spell-binding, as well as fun.”
The Fort Lauderdale News/ Fort Lauderdale, Florida
“The laughs roll right along.”
The Sacramento News and Review/ Sacramento, California
“Lone Star Love Potion” is a rollicking comedy that’s sure to make the audience roar with laughter.”
Holdimand Press/ Binbrook, Canada
