"Hormone" Harry's Back In Town

 

 “Hormone” Harry Douglas (From THE SENSUOUS SENATOR) is back to his old shenanigans again, but this time as the American Ambassador to Great Britain. He tells his wife Lois, that he has arranged a golf outing in Scotland for the weekend. Lois in turn tells Harry that she too will be gone for the weekend at a spa, and that their daughter Debbie will be gone visiting a girlfriend. Each then tells Perkins, their newly hired butler in their country home, of their plans. He stoically watches as each of them leave for the weekend.

 

                                                                             SO…Where’s the farce?

 

Harry, secretly returns to the empty house, having planned a romantic rendezvous with a sexy, next door neighbor Marianne. This is no ordinary rendezvous as they plan to act out their fantasies, she a French maid and Harry as Tarzan. - Debbie returns with her boyfriend Joe, believing they have the house to themselves for the whole weekend. - Harry’s secretary, Faye Baker, and Captain South of the U.S. Marine Corps arrive in the wake of a bomb threat at the embassy, and must set-up embassy communications in Harry’s country home. Captain South places a squad of marines around the perimeter, and everybody is sealed in. It soon becomes apparent, that Faye was not hired for her secretarial abilities.

 

PERKINS:  Are you all right miss?

FAYE:         I guess so. I shouldn’t let Mr. Douglas upset me.

PERKINS:  What are we talking about?

FAYE:         He’s always making comments about me. I pretend not to notice, but I know he thinks I’m kind of dumb.

PERKINS:  What sort of comments?

FAYE:        Well, yesterday he yelled at me just because I thought the Gettysburg address was where Lincoln lived.

PERKINS:  Oh dear!

FAYE:        Then he said my intellect underwhelmed him.

PERKINS: Oh dear!

FAYE:        Then he suggested I hold a séance to see if it was possible to make contact with my brain.

 

                                                                              Not farcical enough?

 

Harry hears Debbie talking to someone in her room and asks who it is. After a moment’s hesitation, Debbie comes up with a brilliant idea and says, “It’s my girlfriend Josephine.” Joes now spends the rest of the play in and out of drag. To make matters worse, Hormone Harry becomes infatuated with Josephine, Captain South believes he is hot on the trail of a mad bomber, and accident prone Faye, comes close to destroying Great Britain. Meanwhile, Perkins manages to get his tie caught in Debbie’s jacket zipper, leaving his head between her ..you know where, and his hand super-glued to Faye’s derriere.

 

HARRY:    What are you doing with my secretary?

PERKINS: Your secretary sir?

HARRY:    My secretary, Miss Baker.

PERKINS: Ah, yes, Miss Baker. The fact is sir, she was helping me.

HARRY:    And why do you need my secretary’s help?

PERKINS: I’ve only been here two weeks sir, and I’m still- (He looks at his right hand as Faye gives a wiggle.)- feeling my

                    way around. And in any event, I got a little behind in my work.

HARRY:   A little behind in your work?

PERKINS: Yes sir, the fact is, right now, I seem to have my hands full.

 

                                                                        Need more twists and turns?

 

In a normal farce, all this would probably be enough, but this is a Michael Parker play, which you know all have a surprising twist and turn at the end. Does the imperturbable Perkins find romance? Does Lois return for a weekend tryst of her own?

 

Scripts available from Samuel French, Inc. catalogue #3517

 

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